I rode past the neighbor lady with the two dogs who always bark at me but who I bet are very sweet at home where they’re comfortable. She said good morning to me and I said it back and I rode through the heat like swimming.
I rode in the heat of lunchtime back home under the stippled shadows of the trees on my street. I was afraid again vaguely for my life as cars passed in the lane next to me or worse in the same lane. I wear my helment always but I know a collision at speed would render it mostly meaningless.
I wanted to ride down to the lakes to feel the wind on my face and the musculature of my body but I did not. I told myself it was due to the heat but I think it may be another reason namely that I am nervous to be seen out riding my bike. What if I am called to I ask myself by someone who I haven’t seen in some time and who tells me that I’m really not who they thought I was. Where will I ride to get away from that.
I rode home and brought the bike up the steps to the porch. I unlocked the door greeted the dogs put my bike at the window to display it greeted the dogs again properly and sat down on the couch to scroll through my phone. Traveling online has taken the place of traveling through space on my bike. I tell myself that’s okay but is it.